Unhappiness Was Home

Like all great stories, this too started with a question.

“Why are you always so damn unhappy?” my wife asked.

And, honestly, I didn’t have a response at the time. 

Of course, this question made me slightly lose my mind. Months and months of wondering why. “Why am I unhappy?” “Why do I seek this feeling out?” “Why am I so ‘good’ at feeling this way?” 

The thing is, I began to find comfort in it. Unhappiness was home. I practically celebrated it. I found an idea years ago that made it ok to be unhappy: Divine Discontent.

That was my solution. I was good at what I did with life because of my discontentment. I thought my unhappiness made me happy. I felt crazy saying it over and over again to myself, “I’m seeking unhappiness,” and I started to question that maybe I was a monster.

But I didn’t want to be one. I wanted to live every moment. I wanted to live for the people who count on me, who look up to me, and who I’m responsible for. I ask my children to do one simple thing: Be a good person. Yet there I was, celebrating not being a good person. A hypocrite selling ideas he didn’t believe in.

Thankfully, the people around me kept me in check. They pushed me to focus on who I wanted to be rather than who I had become. I was blind to my own doing, and I didn’t want that anymore.

That was my moment of truth: Taking a step back and focusing on the long-term quality of life rather than blindly believing in divine discontent and someone else’s dream. 

I learned to let go. 

So what’s your moment of truth? What are you reflecting on? Why are you here? 

Whatever that is, I hope you seek it. Because your mind deserves more. Your loved ones deserve more. You deserve more.