13 Signs That You Might Have Relationship OCD (ROCD)
A checklist of common symptoms and behaviors. If you're suffering, consult a licensed professional.
Written by Dr. Jordan Levy
01 Relationship OCD, aka ROCD, is when sufferers are consumed with doubts about their relationship. They question their love for their partner, their attraction to their partner, their compatibility with their partner, and their partner’s love for them.
02 Identifying subtypes of Pure OCD can be very difficult. Symptoms manifest differently for each sufferer. However, there tend to be common thoughts and behaviors that may indicate someone is suffering from Relationship OCD.
03 Dr. Jordan Levy is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Manhattan at the Center for Cognitive-Behavioral Psychotherapy and in Livingston, New Jersey.
1. Do you test your level of attraction to your partner by seeing if you are more attracted to other people such as strangers, friends, exes, or celebrities?
2. Are you constantly dwelling over your partner’s physical imperfections? For example, thinking things like “Is his/her nose too big or eyebrows too thick/thin?”
3. Are you constantly picking at your partner’s personality? For example, thinking things like “Is he boring? Are his/her jokes too corny? Does he/she feel passionate about all of the same things as me? Is he/she too shy? Is he/she smart enough?”
4. Do you shy away from dating because no one seems good enough for you?
5. Are you unwilling to take the next step in your relationship because you are so focused on his/her flaws or because you are so focused on what is missing in the relationship?
6. Do you constantly feel uncertain about whether or not you are in the “right” relationship and that maybe there is someone better out there for you?
7. Are you engaged in endless attempts to figure out just how in love you feel with your partner? For example, thinking things like “Why don’t I miss him/her more even though we haven’t seen each other in over a week? Do I feel truly connected when we are together?”
8. Do you seek reassurance by comparing your relationship to other relationships? For example, thinking things like “My friend and her boyfriend/girlfriend seem like such a better match than us. They seem so much happier than we are. My parents truly love each other and I don’t have that.”
9. Do you feel like you constantly need reassurance that you have made the “right” choice in your partner?
10. Are you comparing your relationship to a previous fun and exciting (often unhealthy) relationship to figure out if you feel the same way about your current partner?
11. Are you avoiding watching romantic movies or TV shows that bring up unwanted thoughts and anxiety related to your relationship?
12. Do you persistently look for answers on the Internet and online forums?
13. Have you found that sexual activity is a chore and a generally unpleasant anxiety-filled experience? For example, thinking things like “How “into it” am I right now? I can’t stop focusing on his/her flaws."
*This checklist is not intended to serve as a replacement for a diagnosis by a qualified licensed psychologist.
About the author
Dr. Jordan Levy is a licensed psychologist in private practice in Manhattan at the Center for Cognitive-Behavioral Psychotherapy and in Livingston, New Jersey. He specializes in the treatment of anxiety and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder including the Purely-Obsessional subtype (Pure-O). He can be reached by email at [email protected] or online at www.DrJordanLevy.com.