Lotus Ave: An Interview with ELHAE

Hi! Thanks for sitting down to chat with us today! Can you introduce yourself? Who's Jamaal, and how was ELHAE born? 

I’m Jamaal aka ELHAE [Every Life Has An Ending]. I was born in North Dakota, but my pops was in the military, so my family was always moving around. He was in Guam, then North Dakota, then Georgia, where we mainly grew up. I spent my college years in Atlanta, where my career kind of started. However, I’ve been writing since I was a kid, and working on music since high school. I would mess around with some cracked software, which I probably wasn’t supposed to be doing.

You were on Limewire pulling all the tracks!

Limewire, of course! Eventually, I recorded something for the first time and was like, "Woah. That's my voice." There’s something weird about hearing yourself on an instrumental track for the first time. It was like love at first sight, or rather love at first listen. I knew then that I wanted to do music for a long time. And here I am, years later. 

I've been able to find my way in the music industry, but it has been kind of tough. A lot of people don't really speak about all the pressures that come with this space. I've been dealing with that for the last 10 years, trying to facilitate my own feelings and emotions, and just come out on the other side unscathed.

Can you talk a bit more about those internal experiences, and how focusing on your mental health inspired your upcoming album?

I went through my first big break up around 2015, and took some time to grieve and write about it. Working on music was kind of like my therapy at the time. I didn’t really have an audience at this point, maybe a few hundred people. I decided to put out two projects on Soundcloud, HER and AURA, expecting nothing. I soon realized I wasn't the only person going through what I was going through.

That’s always the case. We think we’re unique and alone and like no one else understands. 

Right! I kind of realized I wasn't, and that I was actually helping a lot of people with what I was sharing. I honestly think a large part of me created that music because I couldn’t find it anywhere else. I couldn’t find artists who were saying exactly what I was feeling, so when I put pen to paper and then paper to wax, it was interesting to see how people connected to it on such a deep level. To this day, people will write to me saying I helped save their life. I think that’s in large part because of those earlier projects where I told my story in a very transparent and vulnerable way. 

I went through another big breakup around 2019, right before the pandemic, and I never really got the chance to speak on that experience. So for my upcoming album, I thought it would be interesting to finally explore that. All of my music kind of goes back to breakups and relationships. I feel like a large part of that is because I know my fans connect with that material, and I love speaking on it. That’s my home. Even when it gets kind of heavy and vulnerable, I work best in that headspace.

I’m not surprised that so much art could come out of those experiences. Relationships often hold up mirrors to us in the most brutal ways. I also want to highlight something you just said that I feel like the best artists always have, which is this approach of, “I just want to say what I wish I could of heard when I was struggling” 

Going off of that, your album rollout includes some short films where you’re in mock therapy sessions. Some of those clips touch on some heavy topics, like doubt, self worth, love, suicidality. You’re a pretty open person, but what was it like to script those scenes? Do you feel nervous talking about these topics in the open?

When I was drafting the scripts, I included things I have spoken about in therapy, and things that I want to work on. The suicide thing in particular was a real touchy subject, but I didn’t want to dwell on it too much. I just wanted people who have also gone through that to know that they’re not alone in feeling that way — I’ve been there too. A lot of the themes in those short films relate to the album as well.

That's super interesting: it's part historical, but also part hypothetical. It sounds like art and music have helped you process a lot on your mental health journey? 

I honestly don't know where I would be without music. Music has been there for me in a way where people haven't. I owe my life to it. It has also helped a lot of my fans push through difficult times. There’s people I know who ride hard for me, for ELHAE. I think that’s just a testament to when someone stays true to themselves. 

People often ask me, what’s something you would tell an up-and-coming artist? I always tell them, “How do you want to be remembered? Do you want to be the guy talking about shooting people up, or the guy who is someone’s light at the end of the tunnel?” It’s all about what you want to be known for. That’s the great thing about music. You can shape shift into whatever, and people can sense when it’s genuine.

I want to shift the conversation a little bit now. I was reading the album description, and you brought up the topic of masculinity. Specifically, you call out how men might struggle with accountability and self sabotaging in relationships. I feel like there’s a lot of trending conversations around that — the male loneliness epidemic, attachment styles, etc. Why include these topics for this project?

It’s funny because I didn’t go into it with that in mind. It’s only when I started reflecting more deeply that I realized how much of a wake-up call that past version of me needed. He really needed to look within himself and ask, “Hey, maybe it’s not about her, maybe it’s about you. Maybe you need to look at yourself in the mirror and see what you’re doing wrong.” I feel like a lot of the time with men, it’s easy to blame other people when things don’t work out. But I think we need to start looking at our relationships from a different angle, which sometimes means admitting we’re the toxic ones. 

I wanted to approach this album asking myself: how have I grown, and how do I translate those lessons into music? Hopefully, hearing about my experiences can help people shift their perspective, too. Because the truth is, you’ll never not be in relationships. Whether it’s family, friends, or romance — relationships are what we were created to do. We were created to find each other. 

Why do you think men tend to project those feelings onto other people? Why not have open conversations?

It’s societal. I think men feel a large sense of responsibility to be strong, stoic, and not wear our feelings on our sleeves. I feel like there’s a wall that gets put up where we’re like, okay, there’s no time to cry. I need to protect and provide. I need to get this money and figure out how to get my mom out of debt and how to pay for my girl’s Birkin bag. It’s just how society is. 

I think this is where community is so crucial. When you're stuck in that individualistic mindset and feel like it's just you and your partner, or you and your immediate nuclear family, it creates this unnecessary pressure for men to do everything on their own. I don’t think humans were meant to live like that. The burden was never supposed to be placed entirely on one person. If you need to be vulnerable and take a break, you should be able to call on your community to help. 

I think my family is a pretty great support system, but there’s parts in my own life that could use more community. I do recognize that as being a vital point of mental health. For me, I feel like I try to build that through my art. I live and die by writing, which feels like a more safe way to express myself. It’s important to have those tools for regulation and expression. 

Well you’ve definitely created a strong fan base and community through your art! Which brings me to my last question: What do you want people to take away after hearing this album? And even larger than that, what impact do you want to have as an artist?

Outside of them appreciating the music and my creative efforts, I want people to know that I tried making something they could see themselves in. Of course I hope they can enjoy the whole album, but I’d love if they could even just relate to one line. It’s kind of like when you leave a movie theater, and certain moments really stick out to you as you're walking out. I really want them to leave the project with at least one thing they can think about.

I also want people to understand ELHAE as someone who tries to push boundaries and transcend music. I’m not here to just make songs, I want to create worlds. I would love to gain respect for attempting to try something different. And I just hope people like it, because I like it. I love it, actually. 

Just based on this conversation, I can tell how much you value authenticity. I feel this is a narrative I keep seeing with people like Doechii and Chappell Roan — you know, all the strong pop girlies who have been getting their flowers because they were able to grind and focus on their own voice. I want to push out that positive energy to you as well. I feel like because you’re prioritizing that, the payoff will also be inevitable. 

Thanks Esther. I appreciate it. 

*This interview has been edited for length and clarity

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ABOUT THE ARTIST

You can find ELHAE at @ELHAE on Instagram